i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
