when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
