How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i dont even know how to be here
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
