neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
