I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
