Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize