Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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