i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
