I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
