Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize