Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
