Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
