why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
