nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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