oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
