Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
