people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
