Cold hands, warm shart.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
