you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
