You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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