good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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