can we get nightvision for the apartment?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
