turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
