how can u be prego again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Randomize
