i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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