I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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