you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize