please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
