I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
