just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
