I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize