I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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