Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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