So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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