he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
