Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
