Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize