Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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