Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dicks are not precious.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
