people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
