At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize