return my video game
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
