if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
