the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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