Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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