walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
