I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
