Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
