YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
