3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Duck Duck Cougar?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
