My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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