you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
