dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
