So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
