How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
