You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
