Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
