i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
