Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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