You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
