So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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