so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize