Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
