its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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