so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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