If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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