What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
