Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
