I want to walk on stilts...naked
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
