Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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