I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
