3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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