I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
