Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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