This is not my ceiling
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
