Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
