Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My penis needs a shock collar
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
Randomize
